Where is your first love ?

A few weeks ago, while I was spending time in prayer, it seemed to me that the Holy Spirit was trying to speak to me. Like Peter facing Jesus in his time, I found myself facing Him with the same question:

"Nathalie, do you love me?"

"Lord, you know that I love you."

"Nathalie, do you love me?"

"Of course I love you, I have persevered for you, I have suffered to stay with you."

Immediately, a passage from the book of Revelation in the Bible came to my mind. This text where Jesus addresses the Church of Ephesus, speaking of the first love, and I read it again.

"I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first."

"You have forsaken the love you had at first."

These words struck me instantly, as if God was pointing out something so obvious yet that I hadn't seen!

I was struck by the fact that despite Jesus recognizes the perseverance of His disciples in faith, the suffering and trials endured because of His name, He still reproaches them having forsaken the love they had at first!

Had my love for Jesus wavered? Was it less than at the beginning?

When God asks us a question, it is of course never trivial. That is why it is important to stop and reflect on what He is telling us, even if it does not seem fair or relevant at the moment.

I meditated on this text and it began to resonate in my heart and thoughts, but above all, I asked Jesus to show me what it meant concretely in my life. God opened my eyes to what had taken His place and what was the object of my thoughts, and I was able to reflect on myself.

Although the Bible says, "Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me," although I had persevered in obedience, I could now only recognized that my love for Him was no longer the same, and I had to ask God to rekindle this love in my heart.

I am not sure that one can rekindle a love that is fading by oneself, but God has the power to do so. He is love in all its beauty and perfection. And He wants more than our obedience, more than our service, He wants a loving relationship with us.

I find this to be one of God's remarkable characteristics; this love He has for us and wants to share with us.

I don't know if you have ever faced someone who refuses your love or friendship, but it can be very painful. You find yourself with so much to give, so much love to show and good things to share and yet you face the refusal, sometimes harsh and chilling, of the one who does not want it. It can lead to such a feeling of incomprehension and a sharp pain to your soul.

God showed me that this is the love that He shows us tirelessly with this call to accept the love He has for us, to love Him, to trust Him, to spend time with Him, to keep our deepest thoughts for Him, and which is sometimes or often manifested in return by our refusal to turn to Him and accept all that He has in store for us.

You can easily imagine the pain He can feel in the face of the hardness of our hearts if you have ever experienced the rejection of someone you loved or love.

God does not grow weary though. He constantly comes back to us to show us His love. Jesus did it by dying in our place, and this love is still there for each one of us.

Are you ready to accept this unconditionnal love and love Him totally in return?

I won't write more at length and I'll let you reflect on all this, on love in your relationships (this will probably be the subject of a future post), but above all, on the love and relationship you can have with God. You can ask the Holy Spirit to show you were you are.

"Love endures forever", this is God's love !