What to do when it all falls apart ?

“As for me, I will keep my hope in my God.” Micah

What do you do when things fall apart? When what you expected doesn't happen, and worse, when the opposite occurs? What do you do when your beliefs and faith are put to the toughest test and you feel you can't take another step? What do you do when your world is falling apart, when God had promised you his blessings, his gifts, a call to serve him?

It's so easy to write, to teach others these words from the book of Micah when all is well and we're walking on high. How easy it is to affirm that we will remain faithful despite the price to pay, despite the pain, when our lives are filled with joy, peace and hope.

We know that God is good. As Christians, we fundamentally believe it, or at least most believers do, otherwise what would be the point of serving a cruel master? But knowing it when things are going well is quite different from proclaiming it when we're in the furnace. And we will be. All of us, if we decide to devote ourselves to God and his call. 

The cost is high. For sure we can say, as Paul did in his day, that this cost is like mud next to the eternal glory God has in store for us - and it is true! - but this cost is enormous when God is asking everything of us, asking us to leave everything when we're already in the furnace.

I've been there. Am I out of it yet? It's been a long road, but I've been able to count on him, on his strength and peace, and He will see me through to the end.

I don't think that the cost can be lower than the call. The cost may be in proportion to the call we have, but the cost means there's a price to pay.

The price of the call is heavy, it will cost you everything. Almost beyond your means.

Your will, your thoughts, your words, your time, your hopes, your right to your own idea of happiness and a new life. All that you call “yours” will pass through the cross and death, for God is a jealous God. And he tolerates no rivals, nor does he give his glory to another.

I'm not talking about outward appearances. Christian successes or failures one may see. The road to death takes place in the most secret place, in our hearts, between God and us.

No one can see it. Even if sometimes some people are there to support us, this path of death is between us and God.

No false pretenses, no false emotions, no friends around to take our minds off things. God and us. And we know what he wants. He wants us. Everything, our heart, our thoughts, our emotions, our praise, our worship. He wants it all! And that's where death happens. When I can still see nothing of God's promises, when my whole being is suffering, when it seems to me that the pain is going to take me away, am I going to say yes to God and leave everything?

Will I let him show me that something, someone, or even “my call” has taken His place? If God takes everything away, will I still want to follow him?

Who will want to answer this call of death?

I'm not lecturing, I'm not making any reproach, I simply put the question. Will you answer?

And I wish I could say, in exchange for this or that, for this glory or this gift, will you answer? But that's not the question. 

Even if I take everything from you, will you follow me?

What's dearest to you, what you hope for most and what would gladden your heart? Will you follow me?

Without a murmur and with joy? With trust, as you walk in the dark and anguish assails you, will you follow me?

Will you let me look deep into your heart and point out what ails me, no matter how legitimate or necessary or small and insignificant it may seem to you?

Will you let me take the king's place in every area of your life, until you disappear? Not outwardly in the eyes of others, but before me, in the secret place of your heart, where only I can see.

Will you let yourself be stripped of your grudges, your grievances, your painful memories that legitimize your crying and what you do? Will you let me enter and transform you? 

We may have already answered this call, with the renunciation it implies, and then find ourselves faced with this painful choice once again.

And say to God, “What now? Haven't I given you everything?

Haven't I shown you my love and motivation on other occasions, and don't you remember all the trials I've overcome?

Do I have to go through this ordeal again, even heavier than the others, when I served you with all my heart? When I asked for nothing?

Where is your justice? Where is your kindness? Your pity for my heart? Your understanding of my life?

Will you trust me and give me everything despite your confusion? And despite the pain that remains?

God is looking for servants, it's true, but he's also looking for friends to whom he can entrust everything. He's looking for our whole hearts, simple and open before him, and a perfectly submissive will. And he wants to remove everything that is taking His place.

God wants to remove the things in our lives that take first place in our hearts, or that prevent him from being the King; the things that God is pointing to right now and that no one can see or imagine.

Will you let me point out what I see and desire from you? Even if I don't ask the same of another? Will you let go of this feeling of injustice that arises at the same time?

God wants us to be free, and we are. We are free to choose.

God wants your heart, the rest won't matter.